three days before come down with an exhausting bout of upper respiratory flu.
That did not hinder me, I was not going to get sick, and daily, did all in my
power to further strengthen my already strong immune system.
Yet, last Tuesday evening, while we were out picking up the amazing low
round table I had just purchased the day before, (and still awaits me in the
back of my Jeep), my throat began to feel scratchy. So, when we returned
home, I took special care of my body by taking a healing bath and going to
bed early.
My dreams were strange and circular. They spiraled and I felt off center, not
knowing if I was awake or asleep. When I awoke I was so cold, so heavy, so
befallen with illness that I could scarcely move. I slept almost every moment
of those 24 hours. I simply couldn't 'wake up'...
The following day was the same blur. I lay beneath so many layers of blankets,
wrapped up in my thickest, warmest robe, slippers, and yet, I could not get
warm. I have vague memories of our beloved Lisbeth attending to me: her
strong, but gentle voice speaking words of comfort, rest — bringing healing
tea, water, Emergen-C and toast, yet I never recall taking more than a sip
before the dark mistress of sleep stole me away again.
 |
| Guardian Birds by Jackie Morris |
Friday I awoke able to sip more and eat a bite or two of oatmeal, but my
energy level was so low, and every simple act was such an effort that I did
very little but listen to meaningless lines from an old movie and gaze out
the window.... Winter hues, naked branches and big empty skies mirroring
me on so many levels. My hair was a wild, tangled web. When I got up to
bathe, I seriously frightened myself when I saw my face in the mirror! I
looked so gray, dull and far from even the poorest vibrant hope I had ever
been! I stared at myself in disbelief. I napped often during the day, but still
went to bed at 8pm. At 11pm the phone ring... it was my long time soul
sister Sandra, but I was too sleepy to even imagine slipping from the
warmth I found encircling me... closing my eyes again, I willingly
disappeared into the mystery.
Saturday, I awoke feeling like a ray of light might have been dimly shining
from my eyes, but my body was still wrapped in such a heavy shroud of
lethargy that it was hard to know for sure. Before traversing down the stairs,
I returned Sandra's call, only to find out that our beloved and darling little
treasure Kalah had died. So many emotions. Too many to feel... I slept
much of the day away.
 |
Kalah Selby (2 years ago; age 22)
At death she was but a ghost of her former self.
|
By afternoon, the mailman delivered a most amazing package from Alaska,
sent by one of our sistars, Lisa J. Connolly Smith! It was overflowing with
every healing gift my body had secretly prayed for. Lisbeth opened it as I
lay draped over a chair too weak to hold anything, except the little bag of
a tea so pretty it reminded me of wild gathered potpourri. (Truly the most
gorgeous tea I have ever seen).
Lisbeth continued to open each precious and lovingly wrapped gift within
that box. She showed me every beautiful hand-drawn flower illustration
before she read the label of each hand crafted salve, tincture, jelly, syrup,
and jam. It was truly delightful. Immediately afterward, I was given a small
glass of the healing tinctures, which so reminded me of ones that I have
made in the past that I knew they were true healers. Later, I sipped tea and
spent well over an hour slowly brushing my hair in an attempt to restore
some order and beauty to my neglected tresses. I imagine I was as effective
as a three year old maiden, but my spirit granted her tenacity. Thankfully,
later, when Lisbeth came back to check on me, she sat beside me and set
free the final few confused strands. I braided it loosely and let them fall
over my shoulders like my Cherokee grandmothers must have done many,
many moons ago...
That evening I treated all my aching places with the Poplar Bud salve with
Devils Club root bark and instantly felt no pain! Though I no longer felt
cold, I had a temperature of 103.7 (In that moment I knew that during those
sleep-filled days, it must have been close to 105!) For protecting me from
coma, brain damage or worse, I gratefully wrapped my arms around my
body, closed my eyes and silently spoke words of love and thanksgiving to
my beloved body for wisely leading me through the depths of the unknown
realms and back again.) I took a homeopathic remedy (Ferum Phos) and was
able to get it down to 102.5 before bed. Early evening, I suddenly felt four
little itchy places on my chest. Thinking a spider must have bit me, I got up
to look at them. That is when I discovered that I had somehow broke out in
a patch of what felt like chicken pox, all over my chest, neck, up and down
the length of my back, my upper right arm (inside) and my outer right thigh.
I don't know what they are for sure, but some are like little blisters, some
crusty little scabs and others innocent little pink dots flush with my skin -
but they all itch like mad! Shingles? (I felt no pain).
When I awoke Sunday morning with my Rose Quartz heart in hand, I smiled
and lay still for a while breathing in healing and exhaling love. This inspired
me to perform a simple chakra cleanse. I held the stone to my crown chakra,
and imagined love flowing in restoring it to perfect balance. Next, I held the
heart stone to my third eye, throat, heart, navel, sacral and yoni; keeping it
at each location until I felt the energies shift free and fill with love.
Not surprisingly, I found that it wanted to be at my throat the longest.
(Perhaps, this was in preparation/protection for the gut wrenching coughs
that would follow.).
When I finally arose, I felt better than I had since this sickness first cast a
veil over me and set me on fire. Throughout the day, I continued to use the
tinctures, the salve, the tea and the homeopathic remedies, and by days end
my temperature had steadied at 100.4 where it remained until I went to bed
for the night. My colour improved greatly. Most likely, this was due to fully
hydrating, as this was the first day I could drink water instead of just taking
a few tiny sips. Though I felt weary in body, I felt perfectly normal in every
other regard.
Yesterday, I took the entire day to witness myself and my energy. When I
checked my temperature it was normal! Though I still have absolutely no
appetite, I'm choosing healthy things to take bites of. For breakfast I had a
slice of 7 sprouted grains raisin and cinnamon toast with some of Lisa's
Fireweed jelly (My new favorite! It also has amazing healing properties.).
As I tore off a piece to eat, I realized it was in the shape of a dragon, so I
set it back on the plate to contemplate, and ate the rest of it. Once I was
finished, I noticed that some of the Fireweed jelly looked like fire from the
dragons mouth (this must speak of the four major coughing fits I have
experienced which took my breath away... I imagine a powerful new ability
to speak my truth will be granted this year.).
Delighted, I consulted two of my favorite books on animals (Animal Speak
by Ted Andrews and Animal Spirit Guides by Steven D.Farmer).
This is the oracle message from my dragon:
Dragon:
Guardian of Treasures (hidden wisdom)
Guardian of Treasures (hidden wisdom)
Emerging into a new phase of my life,
where I'll be taking more risks, and being more vulnerable.
(I was assured there will be protection for both.)
&
Entering into a period of considerable prosperity.
(I can't tell you how welcome this is, as I have been scrimping by for years)
Dragon also reminded me to do more of what brings passion;
to meditate or contemplate with regularity;
and to carry myself with an air of dignity and regality
(which I have been told that I do naturally...)
Inspired, I wrote down some appointments and dates for January in my new
calendar agenda for 2015, and some creative business notes, as well. I spent
unmeasured moments gazing out the window, with no thought, care or
obligation in mind. It was truly a lovely day.
By evening I was able to eat the largest portion of nourishment since this
sickness began: an entire organic navel orange! Weak, I had some trouble
peeling it, but once complete, I ate each juicy sweet section and felt disbelief
when I realized I had eaten them all and didn't even feel full!
I share this tale to demonstrate that declaring a thing is powerful and good,
but ultimately we do not know what will happen. Surrendering to the dark
unknown I realized that though others may see my sickness as a time of
being curtailed and an unwelcome experience of physical trauma, pain and
death, (true, it was!), yet, it was also so much more!
It was a gift of Transformation: A new beginning. By allowing the Wise
Dark Goddess of this season to have Her way with me, I have been purged.
My daily agenda, routine and habits were abruptly taken from me, but oh,
sistar! What I received in return was abundantly more wise, beautiful,
meaningful, precious, and better than I could have imagined.
I feel as if I have been cleansed of the past and divinely prepared for what
is to come. I am so truly grateful. I feel joyful to have passed through this
experience. Though I am still exhausted physically, I know my vitality will
be fully restored. Though I have been pulled away from my community,
my work, every outward expression, I now come back with renewed passion,
inspiration and purpose. I know that the slate has been washed clean and I
am now free to begin this year as I am divinely guided.
Though my heart breaks for the loss, and for all of us who will miss Kalah,
I know that she was ready to go, and I honor her sacred choices. She
brought such beauty, magick, and wisdom into this world and to our lives,
and she will never be forgotten. I have learned that wanting someone or
something to remain as is, we deny them/it the opportunity to be divinely
transformed. We all must follow the uneasy call of transformation no
matter how scary it may be. It's the gift of wings! Just ask my dragon!
Even unwanted experiences offer unexpected gifts and beautiful blessings.
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